A southern girl in the Pacific Northwest

I’m so tired I almost can’t see straight and my head is pounding. ZERO idea how I’m going to get through this day! Aria has made it across the country and has landed in Oklahoma. My mom was there to collect her. I think I will sleep like a rock tonight! The cellphone debacle ended up being fine. She stayed calm, and is a resourceful, smart teenager. I am very proud. My sister said she almost threw up from stress, so I was right – her extreme calm and seeming indifference was but a mask. Which… don’t get me started on the whole “concealing your emotions, striving for extreme stoicism” thing in my family. (I don’t do it anymore; this makes them all very uncomfortable.)

Tomorrow is the writing group and my immediate inclination is to skip it because I am so tired right now that I can’t fathom going. (I’m going.) I’m scheduled to workshop my outline NEXT WEEK and it is not finished. I can’t really stress out too much about it though – staying calm is the name of the game. Plus, I really want to do it. I know nervousness is playing into how I feel, too, but along with staying calm is being brave.

The going-vegetarian thing is going well, too. I thought it might be hard with Aria here, but it was fine. I had a turkey meatball on the 9th and a very small amount of chicken on the 20th (we cooked chicken tikka masala for Shabbat), but other than that, no meat, and she ate what meat was here, so going forward should be smooth sailing. I feel very happy and content with my decision.

April is both Camp Nano (hence getting my outline workshopped, so I can write strong through the month) and also my re-dedication to fitness. Aria and I did a LOT of walking and hiking while she was here, which was great, but it really illuminated how sluggish I have been feeling. Spring is here and I feel optimistic and determined anew. I think Aria does too – she told me she feels like she’s changed in a good way after the trip. I hope so! Can’t have any more of the assignment-skipping, class-failing nonsense of last term.

To that end, we’re doing a weekly check-in and I’m going to be providing an “auntlowance,” as we are calling it – money which part of will be going to charity and part of which will be going to cell phone minutes, and part of which will be going toward contributing to her trip back here in the summer. Admittedly, not a lot in any of these categories, but the idea is to give her more control over the consequences and have more responsibility for doing what she wants to do. Fingers crossed!

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