What a weird and upsetting night. Why can’t I just be fucking normal in social settings like I usually am? I just know that the people we had drinks with tonight thought I was a complete space cadet, or possibly they thought I was stoned. I don’t know…
The woman was lovely. Her brother was difficult and I felt an almost instant dislike for him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? Who dislikes someone within the first 30 seconds of meeting them? (I found him to be inappropriately flirty with a married friend of mine, which made me desperately uncomfortable, although the matter was handled deftly without my inserting myself into it, which of course I would not have done. None of this endeared him to me, and when he began discussing his salary, I was just embarrassed.)
Well anyway. The nice woman picked up the check for the entire table, which was beyond kind, especially considering what an absolute loon I seemed. And what a wretchedly judgmental asshole I was being in my head.
I just don’t think I can be trusted around people right now. I am so self-conscious and freaked out and unhappy that I cannot be making any good impression on anyone. At any other time I would have just rolled with it and not been such a weirdo, but I simply feel like I cannot connect.
Please pleaseplease Universe, give me back my mojo. A weird and stressed and unhappy Kristen is no fun for anyone.